The Same River Again
I woke up without an alarm today, following a solid night of sleep.
I put on socks and pulled them up over my pants to protect me from ticks in the woods, and put on bug spray, sun hat, and running shoes.
As I opened the front door thick humidity pressed against me. My legs were sore from the previous day’s run, but I started up slowly, giving myself time to find today’s groove.
I ran down the big hill on my parents’ street, then turned right to make my way to the woods and to the Scantic River.
The shade of the woods was immediately cooler and quieter. I told myself that if others were around, I would continue on with my run, but if I got lucky and the river was alone, I could enter into practice and dance a wave–something I’ve done in this place hundreds of times.
Usually by August the river has turned to a swampy trickle, but today I found the water high and opaque with stirred-up mud from a recent storm.
I made my way to my favorite dance spot, a raised river bank with a smoothed-down, packed-dirt circle that seems to remember me every time I arrive.
I love this place. To some, I think it would seem modest and mundane, but to me it’s beautiful. I feel so much here.
Beginning to move in the rhythm of Flowing, I felt the slight give of the dirt under my feet, and responded to the sloped angle of the river bank, dropping my weight down and inviting weighted circling.
Breathing in gratitude for the moment, I remembered this same time last summer, when I was in a state of near-crippling anxiety while coping with a family crisis.
Soon practice took me over. As the clarity of Staccato started to break through the weighted circling of Flowing, and my movements began to have direction, I started thinking about a creative project I’m excited about. I found myself exhaling strongly, dropping and shifting, my eyes sometimes landing on a tree or a rock or a wave pattern in the river and zeroing in.
I also started to receive what I would teach in the 5Rhythms class I’ll lead on Friday night–feeling like a download from the universe. This is how a lot of what I offer arrives to me, when I’m dancing with this modest river. As information streamed through, I noted a catch in my throat, a sobbing breath as practice untangled knots of my own psychology related to the topic.
I became absorbed and lost track of time. I toggled between the different rhythms, releasing in Chaos, then dropping into concentrated Stillness and moving with the rivers’ currents, then falling back into Chaos, and raising my eyes to the tree canopy in Lyrical.
Last summer when I was in such a difficult place, I had a hard time tolerating the heat. On more than one occasion, I sweated a lot, and though I drank water, didn’t eat, and wound up very dysregulated. I spent several days in one long, agonizing panic attack when I knew intellectually that I wasn’t dying, but my body believed we were under attack.
Today, I occasionally noticed that I was sweating, but remained absorbed in practice.
When I was satisfied, I energetically re-opened the circle that had supported me in practice, and made my way running back up the hill.
Before going indoors, I immersed myself in the garden–tending, trimming, weeding–and on this mundanely auspicious day also harvesting corn, green beans, tomatoes, beets, and cucumbers to share with family for dinner.
I am blessed to know how blessed I am. Thank you, dear universe, for helping me to know how loved I am. Thank you for holding me. And thank you for showing me your beauty, again and again.
August 5, Broad Brook, Connecticut
Meghan LeBorious is a 5Rhythms teacher, meditator, artist, mother, and writer. She has been on the 5Rhythms dancing path since 2008. She was moved to write about her experiences following her very first 5Rhythms class; and has been writing about them ever since. This blog in independently generated and is not sanctioned or produced by the 5Rhythms organization.